Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
