My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
