I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
