yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
