so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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