this beer tastes like vomit already
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
