I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
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I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's blow job season.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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