yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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