Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
