Pants 0. Shit 1.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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