when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
