mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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