I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We are two peas in an std pod
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
