like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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