she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
