thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
