He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
