I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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