I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
