Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
