You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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