omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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