Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
