just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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