i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
