Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
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How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!