In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.