Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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