If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...