You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
