During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet