y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
