Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
