pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
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I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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