Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
