He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
