Only a mothe r could love this liver
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
