Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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