Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
