I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
