He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
