I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
