When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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