I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
