I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
