Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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