i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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