I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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