I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
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I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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