so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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