i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
