I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
