When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
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Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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