she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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