Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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