I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
