Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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