there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
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If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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