AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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