what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
