the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
