maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
