Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
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Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.