Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick