I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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