if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
