I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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