He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
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Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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