Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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