I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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