Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
