We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
