Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
