I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
my poor anus
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
