This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
