I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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