so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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