how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
