so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
