just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
