One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
bring money and cleavage
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize